The Usual Upper East Siders
by nylda128
Summary: This is an AU in which the horrible character regressing Season 6 never happened! Instead, this is a 'What If' Blair and Dan went to Rome and some things happened along the way. Best part is, it's told from an ominous point of view of our favourite chronicler, Gossip Girl. Oh yes, it also discredits Dan as GG, and here we have GG remain the anonymous life-ruining bitch she is.
1. Blast 1: The last days of gossip

_Hello! This is an AU in which the horrible character regressing Season 6 never happened! Instead, this is a 'What If' Blair and Dan went to Rome and some things happened along the way. Best part is, it's told from an ominous point of view of our favourite chronicler, Gossip Girl. Oh yes, it also discredits Dan as GG, and here we have GG remain the anonymous life-ruining bitch she is. Have fun!_

_PS: It'd be nice if you could review it. Thank you :)_

**Disclaimer: **Obviously, I do not own any of these unjustly-poorly-developed characters.

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**THE LAST DAYS OF GOSSIP**

Posted on 23rd May, 2012

Good morning Upper East Siders. Ahhh the lovely smell of summer air in Manhattan...what is there not to love about this part of the world in the summer? A walk in Central Park, lunch date at the Met, a shopping spree at Fifth Avenue...truly, the best of the world resides here. Though the rumour mills have reported that our dear favourite Upper East Siders will not be enjoying the splendours of the city this summer.

We hear that the most nauseating of lovebirds Manhattan has produced, the Queen B (and ex-Princess of Monaco) Blair Waldorf and the New York Times dubbed "literature prodigy of our generation" Dan Humphrey, are headed for a Roman holiday of sorts. Queen B was spotted in JFK Airport with her excess bagg…we mean her man-accessory Dan Humphrey checking-in for a flight bound to Rome. Rumour is, Dan will be on a writer's retreat (whatever that is), while Blair will be…well, what _will_she _do _in the land of gladiators? Perhaps some of you who find Rome to be an ideal vacation spot could help shed some light, _per favore_?

Meanwhile, it seems that Chuck Bass can't seem to say _au revoir_ to Queen B as he was spotted at Newark boarding a plane to Monaco. Perhaps Chuck Bass believes that heading over to Prince Louis (not-so-humble) palace courts to defend Queen B's lost honour like a white knight will somehow entice her to fly back into his arms. We can only hope.

You know you love me,

xoxo gossip girl


	2. Blast 2&3: Looking for Ms VDW,Gone with

_Dear readers, I'm sorry if GG is OOC_. _I'm trying my very best here to impersonate GG. Furthermore, English is NOT my first language. Also, do you notice the titles? (I've updated them) I'm keeping with the tradition of naming them based on movies :) Alright, so enjoy not only one, but TWO Gossip Girl blasts today! Thanks for reading!_

**Disclaimer**: Nope. I do not own these characters.

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**LOOKING FOR MS. VAN DER WOODSEN**

Posted on 28th May, 2012

Do you hear that, my Upper East Siders? Social silence has engulfed the city lately sans Chuck Bass, Queen B and Dan Humphrey. Though we suppose our remaining Golden Boy Nate Archibald and It Girl Serena Van Der Woodsen could keep us entertained. Question is: where is Miss Van Der Woodsen? Is she truly heartbroken by her BFF and ex-boyfriend hooking up that she has whisked herself away to the unknown yet again? If she has, how _déjà vu_. It looks like life for the It Girl has become very _clichéd_.

You know you love me,

xoxo gossip girl

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**GONE WITH THE TRAIN**

Posted on 30th May, 2012

Well, well, if it isn't Golden Boy Nate Archibald who has decided to drop by my inbox issuing an email with very colourful language. How undignified for our Columbia-grad. How unfortunate it is as well, since I've got the deets on the whereabouts of a certain Miss VDW and a train destination. But seeing that Mr. Archibald has kindly issued a declaration of war on me to his spectators (ugh please do not link to that pathetic excuse of a news website here), I see no point in delivering the real, ground-breaking and important news here anymore. What say you, Upper East Siders? Should I recede from my post as an important news-bearer for the UES, or should I let Mr. Archibald see the true power of gossip?

You know you love me,

xoxo gossip girl


	3. Blast 4&5: The Girl with, Casino Royal

_My dear darling UES-ers, sorry for the wait...now I'm starting to sound like GG. I was away at the moment and didn't get to update. I saw the reviews and was confused. Are those hate-reviews? Oh, well, I'm intrigued myself. As of now, this is a free pairing. I have an idea where it will lead, but you have to follow to find out where it goes! Also, I realised that maybe I should put a footnote explaining where the titles come from, just for fun. Thank you for reading and reviewing!_

**Disclaimer**: These characters are not mine, but Cecily Von Ziegesar's.

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**THE GIRL WITH THE SOCIAL TABOO**

Posted on 1st June, 2012

People usually send flowers to a girl as a way to win her heart, but Nate Archibald writes an article about you. My heartiest gratitude goes to you, my good sir, for your attempt at flattery. Though I wonder how describing me and my followers as "social leeches" will get you in my good graces.

Fret not, my darlings. My grace and elegance does not allow me to stoop so low to the level of "just another trashy gossip website" by spewing hate to another. After all, I'm just "a novice attempting to insert his/her importance into the society through the new age social media journalism".

Here's my peace offering: Serena van der Woodsen isn't the only UES that you should be worrying about, because I'm hearing that a certain hotelier is in need of assistance - from jail.

You know you love me,

xoxo gossip girl

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**CASINO ROYAL**

Posted on 1st June, 2012

They say you should never put your eggs in one basket, but Chuck Bass has done just that. The Monte Carlo casino was disgraced when the local police force had to be called upon to detain an outraged Chuck Bass. Word is, he went all in and ended up all out - of money, that is.

But that, my darling Upper East Siders, is not the most interesting part of this royal piece of scandal. It seems that the courts of _Palais du Prince_ received word of Chuck Bass' stay in the sovereign city-state, and has decided to invite him into the humble royal abode. I wonder, what could the scorned exes of Blair Waldorf be up to _vis-à-vis_?

You know you love me,

xoxo gossip girl

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**Footnote(s)**

The title of the fic, _The Usual Upper East Siders_, comes from the movie _The Usual Suspects._

Chapter 1, _The Last Days of Gossip_, is from the movie _The Last Days of Disco._

Chapter 2, _Looking for Ms. Van der Woodsen _is from _Looking for , _and _Gone with the Train_ is from _Gone with the Wind_.

This chapter, _The Girl with the Social Taboo _is from _The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo_, and _Casino Royal _is from the James Bond movie, _Casino Royale._


	4. Blast 6: When In Rome

_Wow, such hostility in the reviews! Well, to Guest reviewer who's so desperate to know, I think this chapter will answer that question. Honestly, I have tagged it as the pairing I meant to do, so please chill. Other than that, I'd like to mention why I'm writing this fic in GG blasts instead of the usual angst fluff blablabla. It's because I want the readers to be able to imagine how things will go on its own instead of me controlling the emotions of the characters. I may have the characters' actions depicted here, but not their emotions. That is up to you to interpret it. So, enjoy! (PS: Please review on how to improve the story, not how this does not adhere to your pairing.)_

**Disclaimer**: I do not own these characters.

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**WHEN IN ROME**

Posted on 3rd June, 2012

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Unless you're a couple of lovebirds on a holiday. Spotted in galleries and museums around the gladiator city is Blair Waldorf and Dan Humphrey, basking in all the culture Rome has to offer. I'm not sure if it's the cannoli these two have been eating, or if it's just the way they are, but even I have to admit that these two may be the sweetest couple the Upper East Side has produced. Perhaps it is true when they say that ignorance is bliss, because these two seem to have no care in the world except for each other.

You know you love me,

xoxo gossip girl

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The title _When in Rome _comes from the movie of the same name.


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